The Christian Battles
"My bishop told me to do it" - Martin Luther The battles for Christianity were a series of autism wars which took place from May of 2017 to February of 2018. There were a total of three battles involving the Christian community which tore it apart and forced most theologians to seek exile into the greater theological community, it also paved the way for the rise of the Noctulian Order. Background After being defeated and routed during The May Coup by Monocrotis von Bayern and his cronies. Martin Luther became a wondering farter with no place to call his own. One day, Luther was so distressed by his situation that he drew his sword while looking by the horizon of a great cliff, and prepared to slit his own throat. "O woe is me! How could I call myself a nigga without having a home to call mine own!". One of Luther's old friends, Pszek, rushed to save the nigga. And said unto he "O' my Germanic brother, you mustn't despair, there 'tih a place for thy that thouest canst call thy own, artent thouest name Martin Luther? Then, thouest mustest goeth to the one place which shalt accept thy, and that is Theologia" Luther while confused took they Pszek's hands, and proceeded to follow he into the gates of Theologia (now present-day Christians). Thereupon Luther began to thrive as a nigga, meeting several peoples such as Azuul and Thule and Banska. Death of Theologia I & Early Conflict Florian Geyers (owner of Theologia I) decided to delete the server after Devon Arthurs, a poster and nigga in there, decided to fucking kill his friends. Arthurs would later become a martyr for the Noctulian Order, however the damage was widespread in Theologia I, with many a nigga sperging and finna prttting. There twas here that Risk begun to mingle with they Theological community. Dazu had recently read a /pol/thread about the nigga Devon Arthurs, and he asked Martin Luther, his chief advisor in /pol/discord (later /pol/theology) for advice. Martin Luther calmly stated "To conquer Risk and oppose the tyrant Freddy you must firstly win the hearts of those who are most loyal to their Lord. Therefore thy must simply give me an invite and I shall gather as many Christians as I can, and they will be your army, my lord." And so Dazu commanded Luther to shill the server to Theologia #general whilst Florian Geyers was preparing to make Theologia II, many a nigga fled to /pol/discord, and soon Dazu renamed the server to /pol/theology, however Dazu's delay in consolidating the Christians and Muslims from theologia and his delay on remaning the server to /pol/theology caused many a nigga to leave and go back to Theologia II. However, /pol/t would last as the miscegenation of three communities that it twere. First Christian Schism With the fact that Devon Arthurs twas a Muslim and a Nazi, Florian Geyers begun to tear down the Muslim and Satanist fabrics of Theologia. Banning many a o9a and salafist gang, leaving not even the Shias unpunished. Luther meanwhile was castigated for shilling in Theologia II, it seemed that /pol/t could not compete with Theologia II. However, the unthinkable had happened; Gandho had returned from the dead, and was found by Dazu and Martin Luther in brit/pol/. However, this Gandho was not the same Gandho from before, this Gandho twas ambitious and utterly reckless. Whence Martin Luther and Gandho thad been talking to eachother in a sunny day, Luther hereonce said to Gandho "You are a hero of our age, however you have no place to call home yet. However, the lands of Theologia lay ravaged by warfare and tyranny, if you are to claim your place in this chaotic world, you must call Theologia thy home now", Gandho twas utterly convinced with these simple words, and rode out of /pol/t and into Theologia II, where he insulted all the mods and recruited remaining Muslims and Satanists into an army. His new server twas called "Theology Reborn", and from here on out Gandho would attempt to gather a great host of Muslims to assault Theologia and usurp Florian Geyers. However, Martin Luther did not see this new Gandho as the brother he once called, and promptly defected back to Dazu's /pol/t. Gandho's server would soon die due to this, and Gandho would disable his account once again, this time, however, he merely slept. Florian Geyers' Gayness & Downfall /pol/t would not last the drifts of time, soon, Dazu and DQN and Monocrotis would all clash in conflict, nuking the server over 5 times, leaving the community and Luther homeless once again. Luther wandered servers and the land in search of a home, however he couldest not find it, one day, Luther wandered the rainforest that twas Outer Heaven, and there he saw his old Kushite friend charging into battle, slaughtering as many wh*Toids as he it could possibly be manageable. That man twas Chapelo, kingpin of Outer Heaven. Luther haddest though to himself "So 'tis what the real war be like innit? The fate of this community does not lie within isolation, but the widespread mongrelization of all communities into one creatura, of course, I finally see now" and Luther rode off into Theologia II. In Theologia II the administration of Florian Geyer and some gay niggers whom followed he around, they're not relevant ('cept for Ulysses). With ambition pumping through his veins: Luther set out for the Risk community, preparing to raise an army and mongrelize the community so that he could combat the faggot mods. But fate had another plan for Theologia II, Florian Geyer would grow bored of his rule, having to ban atleast three people each day, his boredom soon took the better of him, and he promptly deleted the server, leaving the Theological community in a void split between Reddit and 8chan. And so begins the story of a gay baptist midget called Alex. Chapelo's Ambition In the midst of this infighting, there was an ancientfag whoms't was an Orthodox Christian nigga. He was a black Kushite nigga named Chapelo. Chapelo had one dream: To make the entire Christian Discord community Orthodox. The dream might have worked, nobody really knows, as the server used to stage great Orthodox Campaigns took a huge right turn: No C*ssing. Before No C*ssing was formed and Chapelo's dream surfaced, the black faggit was banned for being too powerful, after raiding a solo-raiding a muslim server spamming "dirka" his parody on Aladdin's Prince Ali, "Prince Dirka" and shitting on Muslims like it was a Mumbai boulevard. Reported by the server's caliph, he was not heard of for a month. Until he returned... more powerful than ever. No C*ssing had a small group of members originally, taken from Chapelo's old Server: /Orthodox General/ and a new server made with the help of one of No C*ssing's original members: an aspiring Orthodox Warlord known as Just Glassin. Just Glassin and Chapelo's Orthodox and Shitpost troopers gathered in No C*ssing to stage infiltration raids of Theologia, which were effective. Utilizing the multitude of alts and personas Chapelo and his allies had, they infiltrated and wreaked havoc in Theologia, speed-debating catholics and outright shitting on prots. Under the banner of Fedora Kong, the Orthodox Warriors campaigned until Chapelo, and his then-braaptist ally: Sig, had a revelation. The image of Fedora Kong was not that of a nintendo video game character, but the ancient Nubian tribal warrior known as Dongola: son of Dongola, son of Dongola of Dongola. Dongola invigorated the No C*ssing band in a new way, and became the most powerful meme that the Christians, Outer Heaven, and the Risk communities have ever known. With Chapelo's radical Outer Heaven allies: ORKAST, son of Destruction; Moonman88, the satanic tranny goreposter; Leaf, the Modest Muscleman; Barry, the Irish Sedevacantist Warlord; GordonFrohman, the epicest poster; Capuno, the Catalonian Hacker; and Hugo, the greatest nigga the world had seen. This was the greatest, most powerful team ever assembled in the Christian Battles, but ironically, never ever saw action. Only Barry and Chapelo, and some of Chapelo's Vanguard of Liberty shitpost allies: ASDWEW and SpikeV, campaigned in theologia, shitting on Novus Ordo Catholics and monkey protestants until all were permanently banned. In this state, they, along with Sig, Martin Luther, Reichswehr, and Dokyun; expanded No C*ssing's power to the point of an immovable monopoly. For the first time, Martin Luther had a home with his vrothers, where their shitposting energy emanated at such an intense rate, it caused the theologia nerds to frantic and create a shitty meme to counter Dongola: Aachen... Dongola-Aachen schism First Battle of Theologia Second Battle of Theologia Luther's cajoling of the Baptists The Nuke Third Battle of Theologia Ravaging the community The Icelander's Treason Banska's Decay